Flight mode: types of people at the airport and my travel tips 📦

travel

Travelling is, of course, the epitome of “fun.” Plane rides are meant to be exciting news for you, an experience of relaxation and enjoyment with the knowledge that for six or seven hours, you are expected to do no more than lie back and r e l a x.

Have you EVER tried to relax whilst someone in the seat in front of you has laid themselves almost horizontally in your lap? Or the person next to you is overly-ambitious with their allocated armrest space? Or the relentless pinging of the loudspeaker system telling you that the seatbelt signs are now ON…. no wait! They’re off again! And on again! And off again! Just as you’re starting to drift off, neck cricked at an unnatural angle and legs crammed into the footwell, then BAM, it’s the snacks trolley, and you can’t sleep through THAT. 

I do NOT, in any way, shape or form, find travelling “relaxing.” Airports suck, I always get spots and everything seems to be covered in a weird filmy haze of sleep deprivation and general confusion.

Want to buy a designer handbag? A suitcase??? (Who buys their luggage AT THE AIRPORT?) a special panini offer at 4am??

Also, the people in airports really freak me out. It’s like there’s this dividing line between those going Full Glam and those going Major Sloth.

Now, Full Glam individuals are easily identified by their thick make-up (to cover the dark circles and aforementioned airport spots), and usually high heels as well. They have their hair majestically twisted into ringlets or ironed straight, for that really casual, just-rolled-out-of-bed look. These people are usually smug, and should not be approached under any circumstances.

And then there’s the rest of us. The Major Sloth parade.

The bleary-eyed, deathly pale troops that have rolled out of bed at 2 in the bloody morning to get on this crappy plane when in reality, we wish we could just teleport. There’ll be a high percentage of pyjama tops and no bras, a stained sweatshirt and a hastily-packed rucksack. Some of us may have put mascara on in an attempt to go Full Glam, but it just makes us look like pandas, and smears unattractively in our undereye creases.

Anyway, I’m sat in an airport right now, so I thought I’d share with you my tips for lessening this pain 

1. ALWAYS PACK A HAIRBRUSH. I REPEAT: ALWAYS PACK A HAIRBRUSH. Honestly if your hair is tangle-free, your trip is likely to follow suit. 

2. DON’T! Forget your headphones. Listening to the churning noise of the aeroplane engine is A. Boring and B. always makes me feel nauseous for some reason. Oh, and C. It’ll drown out the voices of the screaming kids/ snoring men around you. But don’t forget to remove them so you can ask the flight attendant for a large g&t.

3. Get as much sleep as you can the night before, if you have to get up early to catch your flight. If you can get 4 hours, you’ll probably be okay. Any less than that, and you’ll be bursting into tears when the check-in lady tells you to enjoy your trip.

I know that this is a hard one, but it IS do-able! E.g the day before I had to get up at 2am, I got up early so I would be tired and fall asleep earlier, and exercised during the day. Thus, by 9pm, I was all ready for bed!

Even if you don’t sleep on the plane, you can still try close your eyes and let your body rest, even if your mind doesn’t :). I find this comforting! 

4.  Starbucks is your friend. You need SUGAR. I don’t care if you’re on a diet, the only way you’re going to function is by ordering a large mocha-frappalappacino with extra vanilla syrup. It’s positively REVITALISING.* **

* But don’t overdo it on the caffeine, otherwise you’ll end up with, like, heat palpitations and stuff, and that’s not cool.

** ALSO don’t forget that healthy sh*t has sugar in it, too. So you can fuel up on orange juice or grapes or something. If you like. 🍋

5. I’m gonna say it – don’t eat too much! It’s so tempting to cronch cronch the entire time you’re travelling, just for something to do, but if you go overboard with it, you’ll just feel sluggy and bloated. May I recommend that you graze on light snacks, rather than a roast dinner, if you’ve got a long and arduous journey ahead of you?

My airport time is when I like to try out new snax, usually. That and BAKED GOODS. Mmm.

Anyway, whether you’re a Full Glam individual with sass and time to spare, or a Major Sloth who just wants a soft blankie and to lay down for a while, I got u. 

I feel your pain.

But the journey is only a small part of the trip, and you can recover usually after one night’s rest.

Those are my thoughts, written from Amsterdam Airport. I’ve already been travelling for 7 hours and I’m feeling pretty groggy.

However – adventure awaits!

^^^ This is a really nice playlist and includes a few songs about travelling! I’d recommend it for your journey 🙂

Love and nasty aeroplane coffee,

Cam

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